At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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