I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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