so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
