wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
