my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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