i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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