based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize