At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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