Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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