Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
