um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
third nipple confirmed
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
