mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
