I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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