Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Too much gin, very little bucket
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
