I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we're making bets on your personal life
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
