: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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