Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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