Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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