So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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