What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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