it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize