I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
