Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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