Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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