Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
