Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
