yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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