I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
