I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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