Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
