my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
