its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
