you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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