whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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