then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Randomize
