i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
