Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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