Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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