I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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