Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
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