i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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