I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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