Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
