I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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