dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
