so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I lost the right to judge tonight
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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