I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
