We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
