The best revenge is premature balding
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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