He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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