Who did Billy Mays play for?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The air was thick with penises
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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