I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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