He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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