well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
