I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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