Do you still have your period?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have aggressive nipples.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
