Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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