I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
