I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
