check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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