living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
