he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
