Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
