We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
