I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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