please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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