Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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