my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize